Damn right, I wanted bigger and better things.
Asteria numenara laurenne shablakely.
The origin story of Asteria’s Rest is my life. Everything that I have ever done has led here. I had a traumatic childhood, with mental illness running in my family. As I grew, I became hyper-independent and hyper-productive while fighting for every ounce of space this world would give me. I carried two jobs through an intensive college theatre program where I took 18 credit hours per semester while also working on our live productions. I came to love painting and loathe sewing. I came out as bisexual. I worked night and day keeping a 3.4 GPA while also contending with an abusive, alcoholic partner. After he dumped me on my way to the last summer program of college, I met the first romantic partner who showed me you can have communication and respect, fun and care in healthy relationships.
In this same time my chronic illnesses were first diagnosed. Nerve pain in my feet and sleeping in every bit of free time I had indicated a vitamin B12 deficiency, while the urge to pee without the need was pelvic floor disorder. I had learned truly and deeply that the show must go on so I didn’t think twice about my next move out to Los Angeles.
Los Angeles gave me community where I truly belonged. I started my first position in LA at Wicked Lit, a Halloween theatre show that took place in a mausoleum. I made a group of 40 lifelong friends in that show. My maid of honor and best friend was the production manager. I started to come out of my shell and tell people who I was, plus who I wanted to be. I went clubbing for the first time. I went clubbing hundreds of times. I was on first name and no ID basis at nearly every West Hollywood gay bar and I made out with loads of people I did and didn’t know. I grew and blossomed.
I began a career in event production at MTV as an assistant art director. I worked on designs for things like the Woody Awards and the VMAs post-parties. I traveled to Miami for work and sang “I’m in Miami, Bitch” while it rained on our plexiglass platform over the pool at the hotel on South Beach. We had synchronized swimmers.
Then I lost my roommate and had to move to Hollywood.
Then I got roofied the weekend before Halloween.
Then I lost my job working in events for Viacom.
Six months later my car was rear ended and totaled, I was out of money and in a lot of debt. I had to move back to Missouri. During my last month in Hollywood, I started experiencing severe crying jags and exhausting nightmares, which continued for years.
I paid off $10,000 of debt in a year, then I started learning. I did my first online course with Veronica Varlow, Love Witch. I signed up for the Beautiful You Coaching Academy and I applied and applied and applied for Office Manager jobs in California. I was fired from a t-shirt shop after asking for a raise. My boss waited til the end of the pay period to tell me “You want bigger and better things and I have no reason to compete with that.” I bought a 2002 Prius and I moved back to California. Damn right, I wanted bigger and better things.
The future is ours to build.
I lived out of my car for 4 months, but I never had to sleep in it. I learned the absolute power of having a social, community safety-net. I got back on my feet and got an apartment. I met my husband and I got back into the special events industry while also completing my life coach training and trying to start my own business.
I coached 8 different people to make massive changes in their lives but I noticed that their problems essentially came down to the same things:
Financial Security vs Desire to be Creative
They had to work to pay bills so they didn’t have time to create for themselves
Overwork vs Basic Care
They had to work so hard to pay the bills that they didn’t have time for meals or sleep, or they managed to fit in creativity by skipping meals and sleep
Isolation
They had become so wrapped up in their toxic work situation they couldn’t form and care for healthy relationships, whether for the individual that meant friendships or romantically or both.
My clients were so cool and so passionate and so intense. They wanted to change the world, too. Each one of them was a powerful person buried under years of trauma and conditioning from the world.
When the pandemic started I tried to keep going. I led book clubs on The Body Keeps the Score (do not endorse) and Emergent Strategy (HIGHLY ENDORSE). I designed an entire course that didn’t sell a single copy. I read Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents by Octavia Butler. I participated in the George Floyd marches of June 2020. Meanwhile, my anxiety symptoms were getting harder and harder to deal with. I had to get a regular job so I started working in the cannabis industry. I cut back further and further on what I was doing outside of work and spiraled inward. I read book after book about indigenous practices, mutual aid, and community care. It became clear that the government doesn’t care about the people. Corporations do not care about people.
Only people can care about people and I have people to take care of.
Asteria’s Rest offers a place for people like me to slow down. To take a break from capitalism and to see where they go without it. What are your true desires if you’re not fighting to survive? What are you really here to contribute?
